The Obesity Issue
Naturally, this is going to be a touchy subject for people who are deemed "fat" (that is, unable to ride a mid-sized dog like a horse without killing it). But this is an issue that needs to be addressed. According to the WHO there are 3.2 billion overweight people in Missouri alone. It has been argued that the obsese not only eat more food than the rest of us but breathe more air. Clearly, something has to be done. But what?
What say you?
posted by chris @ 8:03 AM
10 Comments:
Now let's not sully this debate with obesityist comments. I'm angling for serious solutions to a very serious issue. I'd like to posit one possible suggestion: Packs of wolves. If we were to strategically place packs of wolves across the Bible Belt, then people would naturally spend a lot more time running (away). Also, the wolves would be fed only on those sausages that rotate behind the counters of 7-11's, thereby reducing the average Bible Belter's calory intake by 72.8 percent.
What say you?
I say roast them, and feed them to the hungry.
Clearly, the person who responded with "I say roast them, and feed them to the hungry" hasn't given this issue much thought. If you roast the wolves, then you'll have no one to chase the Bible Belters, which would defeat the purpose. If you roast the Bible Belters and feed them to the poor, then the poor will themselves become obese and we'll be back to square one. And if we roast the Bible Belters and feed them to the wolves, then there will be a significant drop-off in church attendance, which might lead to civil unrest. There are no easy solutions.
I take issue with the notion that obese wolves are a serious problem in America. It is clear that fat wolves have more surface area than skinny ones. I say, it's high time for us to start encouraging extreme lipidosity in our lupine populations, the better that they might yield enormous pelts, which we can then use to smother the entire state of Missouri under a thick suffocating carpet of fur. Much like mulching a garden. A disgusting rotting fat-garden.
Nice try Harris, but don't think you can hide your flawed arguments behind a plinth of verbiose terminology. "Pelts" isn't even a real word. I do, however, appreciate your use of the word "mulching," which is sorely underused in today's society.
A "plinth" is a mollusk, sir, and you have man-teats. Don't deny that you're a known flosculator. Those who don't know how to spell "verbose" must content themselves with wallowing in ad hominem muck.
Right. There's no "I" in verbose.
Damn my eyes.
I thought lupins were flowers.
It's not that these people are obese, it's that they're just short for their weight. It's a height problem, natch.
Wait, I think what Chris is saying is that fat wolves aren't a problem, because if/when they get diabetes or coronary occlusions, they don't create a burden on our health care system.
And honestly, if a wolf gets fat and keels over from running down too many Alabaman flab monsters, who gives a shit? It's not like we'd running low on wolves; the massive increase in food supply alone would lead to a huge boom in lupine circulation.
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